Should we talk to our children about our fears? [Ep2]
Highlights in the film, here’s the full audio interview:
Families I’ve talked to this this week have said that their mood is flatter, flare ups are faster and their anxieties are bigger and hairier.
Which made it a good time to talk to Sarah Clarke, child & adolescent psychotherapist, about how we handle this at home and what we talk about (or not). She is wise and kind and funny. And she has blue tips on the end of her hair.
Sarah Clarke
mum of two
UKCP accredited psychotherapist (child and adolescent specialism)
Her wisdom includes:
Good and bad ways to talk to our children about fear in this crisis. It seems my avoidance strategy may not be the best one.
Getting our heads around the disconnect between the ‘easy’ language of lockdown and how difficult it is to turn our lives upside down and lose our social connections.
Trying contracting to stop yourself constantly muttering about the state of your home. For example, “If you want me to play football with you then I need you to help me first by… clearing away breakfast / writing a card for gran / putting your clothes away”. She adds that introducing the language of being a “deal maker” that you can do more deals with versus a “deal breaker” can help keep these contracts on course.
For those whose kids are wobbly about events, Sarah reckong the key is to listen rather than talk. I read this kind of advice a lot but whenever I’ve tried to act upon it, asking ‘how ARE you?’, in a vaguely meaningful way, my kids respond with ‘Can I have a biscuit?’. Sarah showed me how to do it with my 10yo who enjoyed the chat very much. And afterwards demanded a muffin.
Wishing you far too many crème eggs and the chance to turn off all your tech over the long weekend.
- Christine
PS. Am doing a webinar on these issues next Thursday 16th 2.30-3.30pm at for Utopia. Link here, I have discount codes.