How much do people like you?
And how much do you care?
As I’ve grown up, I’ve become reasonably comfortable with being a ‘Marmite’ character that a certain percentage of people can’t stand. It doesn’t bother me at all. But I know many women, and some men, who don’t feel the same way.
This was explored by Jane Garvey and Fi Glover on the Fortunately podcast this week with Alistair Campbell, Tony Blair’s ex Director of Communications. Alistair says he has genuinely thick skin and jokes about being compared to Hitler, Goebbels, and Napoleon…
…and not caring.
But he also shared that his mother wasn’t as well-insulated, and was so deeply upset by the criticism thrown at him, that she told then Prime Minister Tony Blair that it gave her diarrhoea.
Gender perceptions:
This would be of no surprise to Gill Whitty-Collins who has published ‘Why Men Win at Work’, based on her research and career at Procter & Gamble.
In the chapter ‘The Cruel Bit’, she explains that women need to be likable to get on, but that makes it hard for them to do the things they need to.
“There is a male way of operating that leads to salary increases and advancement, but if a woman tries to adopt it,she may be disliked and penalised.”
Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg and Noon’s Eleanor Mills explored similar territory on a Facebook Live this week, noting that: men become more popular as they get more senior—and women less so.
To tackle this, Gill shares the advice from interviews with what she calls the ‘Super 7%’: those female leaders who got to the top.
Create strategies to manage male-dominated meetings. Have prepared lines to take in your notebook. (Avoidsaying, “I disagree”… instead: “I see this a little differently, let me tell you why...”)
Consciously use humour to show confidence and diffuse conflict. (Often a skill learnt playing competitive sport at school) Anyone ambitious for the daughter should, it seems, keep them running.
Use clothes carefully. Gill reluctantly cites the question from one of her Super 7 interviewees: “Do you want them to look at your arse or listen to your opinion? Because I promise they can’t do both at the same time.”
Near the end of that Fortunately episode, Campbell offered to ‘put in a word” for Jane and Fi to get Tony Blair as a guest, because theirs “was one of the better” podcasts. They were amused by his faint praise. It made we wonder what he’d say had the hosts been two high profile men… 🤔 perhaps that he actually listened to it?
So, do men care less about being liked than women? And do they care more about what other men think?
What’s your take?
Christine
